Monday, January 19, 2009

Why Vogue Sucks, Part I: The Covers

Vogue covers have been sucking for quite some time now, and everyone seems to know this but the people actually at Vogue.
Case in point: "OK, I'm getting bored with Vogue's covers. Time to bring back the cavalry: Linda Evangelista!" S.A. Lucas-Townsend, Roseville, CA. "Can you please go back to using professional models on your covers?" Jill Burgess-Grider, Brooklyn, NY.
When your readers are complaining about the covers (and begging and pleading for something new) in every issue, and you're actually PRINTING these complaints, maybe it's time for a change. I don't know, I'm just saying. I mean, I'm not a publisher or anything, but it seems like maybe, just maaaaaybe, you'd wanna give your magazine a makeover.

Things that suck about the covers:
  1. Overrated white movie stars
  2. Arms akimbo or three-quarter profile pose
  3. Airbrushed to another dimension
  4. Dress by Prada, Chanel or Marc Jacobs, again (hey, it's in the contract)

Which brings us to the February issue featuring the lovely Blake Lively. (I'm skipping January where Vogue somehow managed to make Anne Hathaway look like a vampire cause I can't bear to look at it anymore. Also, my grandpa ripped off the cover to pick some trash up off the floor, but that's a whole other story). OK, so what's wrong with this picture? At first glance, nothing. It's a great photo. She looks gorge, pretty dress, sunshine-y background, la di da. But in the immortal words of Chandler Bing, could this cover BE any more generic? There's no excitement, no emotion. There's no oomph. It's blah to the nth degree. It's just so sad, like a wilting flower that no one can be bothered to water anymore. *Sigh*

*blurry photos courtesy of my iPhone

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