Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Screw you, Plum Sykes

Ah, Plum, the little protege that could. This 30-something Vogue contributor hails from Britain and has been under La Wintour's wing for over a decade. In addition to writing some of the most mindless articles this side of the Atlantic, Plummy has also penned two literary masterpieces, Bergdorf Blondes and The Debutante Divorcee. Both riveting works about the trials and tribulations of New York socialites. That Pulitzer's within reach, Plum-Plum, I promise.

One of Plum's saddest contributions to society was an article written a few years ago wherein she lamented the fact that the buttons on her thousand dollar coats kept falling off and her stallworth efforts to deal with this tragedy. SHE WROTE TWO PAGES ON IT!!! Yes, I read it all. Yes, I'm pathetic. I'd love to present you with the article, but I hope I had the good sense to recycle that issue. God knows the article wasn't worth the paper it was printed on.
This month, Plum regales us with her country wardrobe (page 110) - you know, those special outfits we all set aside for our vacations hunting in the country...oh, I'm sorry, you don't spend one weekend a year "shooting and entertaining" in your country estate? Yeah, me neither. But I imagine it must be a dreadfully difficult task to find the perfect country wardrobe in which to shoot innocent animals. By the way, "the dress code is nonnegotiable: tweeds for day and grand dress for dinner." I really hope Plum found what she was looking for. I'd hate to learn that she wasn't properly dressed for the occasion.
Honestly, how many trees have to die before Plum can produce a decent article?

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