Friday, May 21, 2010

I'm Yawning Furiously (Yes, It's Possible)

So, Blake Lively is on the cover of Vogue again. She was also on the January cover last year (correct me if I'm wrong because I'm too lazy to fact-check--hey, it's a blog! I don't have to fact-check). Ahem, anyway, the cover is...pretty. Aren't most magazine covers pretty? Yeah, sure they are, but pretty is also boring. Pretty doesn't have to be boring. Pretty can be interesting and sexy and fun and ferocious and, dare I say it, fierce. But this cover? It's just pretty and bland and vanilla. And it's making me yawn every time I look at it.

I wish Vogue would use more fashion models. I wish Vogue would put Chanel or Jourdan or Sessilee on the cover, and not all at the same time, but individually. I'm a subscriber so I'm kinda stuck with the covers I get no matter what, but if I weren't one, I would never pick up this copy from the newsstand. Never. Ever.

There's nothing on this cover that jumps out and says, "Read me! Or if you don't want to read me at least buy me and look at the awesome pictures within!" I mean, let's take a look at the cover headlines: "A Golden Boy's Tales From The Dark Side." Okay, I guess that is sort of interesting, except that I have no idea who this "golden boy" is. Is it Brad Pitt? Then I might care (but mostly not). Also, "tales from the dark side" is such a cliche. I think I heard it for the first time when I was, like, 9 and watching Nickelodeon's Are You Afraid of the Dark?

Another headline: "65 Cool Swimsuits For Every Body." This is mildly interesting because summer is almost here and we're all gonna be hitting the beach soon. But, alas, it's only mildly interesting. If I want to look at swimsuits, I'd just get a copy of Shape or I'll just--gasp!--check out this year's Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition.

The headline for the cover girl just says "Blake Lively Heats Up The Beach." That's it? Um, 'kay. That's fascinating. Really. It is. /Sarcasm

Also, who wears a sweater over her swimsuit when she's supposed to be "heating up the beach"? Is she heating it up because she's wearing a sweater and sweaters usually function as clothing items designed to keep you warm? I don't know. Do you?

The one thing that did actually excite me was the headline "Glee's Matthew Morrison." Vogue, you had me at Glee.

There's also a story and pictorial about Jack White and Karen Elson. Karen was also featured in Marie Claire this month (Yes, I subscribe to way too many mags), so why is she in the June 2010 issue of Vogue? I think she's a great model and she has a great look, but I've been seeing her in Vogue for about a decade now. That's great. It's awesome to see models who have longevity in this business, but FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, can you please feature other models once in a while? Pretty please? I know there are plenty to choose from.